Monday, November 26, 2012

A Madness Observed

I'm a drug addict.

I discovered this last week.  I've been on Cymbalta for several months now.  It's stopped the panic attacks, and the really lows that I was having.  Not really made me happy but at least I don't want to die.  A good thing, right?

But then on the weekend I missed my dose.  Didn't think it was that big a deal, but then the next day, I got sick.  Really sick as in a migraine headache, nausea, plus my mood crashed into the basement.  I was also getting these weird "brain zaps" where my head would twitch and my stomach would lurch, like I was having an adrenaline rush.  I wanted to curl up and die. 

It all went away as soon as I got back on the meds.  Ugh, that phrase makes me sound crazy.  "Off my meds."  It's how we refer to someone acting weird.  But there's no denying it, I'm a Cymbalta junkie.  If I don't get my fix, I'm going to go through some serious withdrawal, just like a heroin addict. 

That bothers me a lot.  I don't know why it should, it's just like a heart patient will go through serious withdrawal (i.e. death) if he doesn't take his heart pills.  Why is this any different?  Because being mental is a sign of defectiveness somehow.

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